Flipping the Script: The Science of Receiving Gratitude

In a culture that celebrates giving, expressing appreciation, and taking care of others, many women find it much easier to be a “giver” than receiving gratitude themselves. We write thank-you notes, offer words of encouragement, and support everyone around us — yet when someone turns that same kindness toward us, it can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

Although expressing thanks and gratitude to others is an admirable trait, learning to receive gratitude can be just as important to our emotional wellbeing.

Why Receiving Gratitude Feels Hard

For many women, receiving gratitude can feel uneasy. We often downplay our efforts or redirect the focus and give praise back to others. Research suggests this discomfort often stems from social conditioning — women are taught to be selfless, nurturing, and modest. Accepting gratitude can feel like stepping outside those expectations.

Psychologists have found that our brains can interpret praise or gratitude as social risk. If we’ve learned that humility equals safety or belonging, fully receiving someone’s appreciation can trigger subtle stress responses, even though the moment is positive.

The Science Behind Receiving Well

Neuroscience tells us that gratitude — both giving and receiving — activates areas of the brain associated with reward, bonding, and emotional regulation. When we receive gratitude with openness rather than deflection, our brain releases oxytocin, often called the “connection hormone.” This reinforces trust and mutual respect in relationships.

Interestingly, receiving gratitude mindfully can also boost self-compassion. When we allow ourselves to be acknowledged, we create a feedback loop that strengthens our sense of worth and belonging. It’s not about ego — it’s about integration.

Practicing the Art of Receiving

Receiving gratitude takes practice, similar to anything else that can feel uncomfortable at first. Here are a few simple ways to help get you started:

Pause before responding. Instead of rushing to minimize or deflect, take a breath. Let the kind words land.
Acknowledge without deflection. Try saying “Thank you, that means a lot” instead of “It was nothing.”
Be aware of the feelings. Pay attention to how it feels in your body to receive appreciation — warmth, resistance, or even a flutter of discomfort.
Reflect later. Consider journaling about moments when someone’s gratitude touched you. What did it reveal about how you see yourself?
Model it with others. When we practice receiving with grace, we give others permission to do the same — creating healthier, more balanced relationships.